Black Flag EMS Unveils New “Juicy Narcan™” Line, Because Overdosing Shouldn’t Mean Settling for Plain Old Clinical-Grade Salvation

JACKSONVILLE, FL—In a daring fusion of harm-reduction and Jolly Rancher aesthetics, rogue med-ed outfit Black Flag EMS today announced Juicy Narcan™, a line of fruit-flavored naloxone nasal sprays designed so “your return from the brink tastes like summer vacation,” according to the company’s newly minted Chief Revival Officer, Skipper “Skip-a-Beat” Winslow Sparrow.

“Look, opiates ruined flavor for everybody—everything’s either ‘bitter regret’ or ‘hospital air,’” said Sparrow while sipping an iced espresso that was definitely not laced with irony. “We thought, why can’t reversing respiratory arrest also tickle the taste buds?”

The starter pack ships with:

• Grape Escape – notes of purple lunch-box dominance, ideal for EMS crews who miss Welch’s but not that kid who traded them for Funyuns.
  

• Watermelon Whiplash – as crisp as a shard of Jolly Rancher you weren’t supposed to bite into but totally did.
  

• Strawberry Scene-Safety – allegedly tastes like strawberry, but mostly like triumph over hypoxia.

  
  

Each 4 mg spray bursts with “patented Mouth-Alive™ micro-flavor beads” that activate when the patient gasps awake and yells, “Why does the inside of my nose feel like a county fair?”

Revolutionary Packaging

Because nothing screams FDA meeting like clip-art fruit, Juicy Narcan™ boxes display adorable vines and wedges— “to help children internalize that adult crises are also opportunities for brand engagement,” marketing intern Kayla stated before an off-camera voice reminded her of the NDA.

Industry Response

Competing pharma giants were rattled. One anonymous executive admitted, “We spent billions on shelf-stable naloxone, and these pirates added Kool-Aid. Our shareholders are furious we didn’t think of sugar first.”

Suggested Pairings

Black Flag EMS helpfully published a tasting wheel:

Overdose Setting	Narcan Flavor	Sommelier’s Note
Music-festival porta-potty	Watermelon	“Hints of sanitizer and sunscreen on the nose.”
Friend’s couch at 3 a.m.	Grape	“Pairs well with stale pizza and apologies.”
Gas-station bathroom (two-star)	Strawberry	“Bright finish, subtle undertone of urgency.”

Critics Speak Out

Public-health experts worry the flavors might encourage children to “collect them all.” Sparrow countered, “If your six-year-old is hoarding opioid antidotes, I’d argue your bigger issue isn’t branding but, you know, the opioids.”

Coming Soon

Black Flag teased Pumpkin-Spice Epi for fall— “Because overdoses don’t take a holiday, but our marketing department does,” said the press release, which smelled faintly of cinnamon.

This is a parody. Narcan® is a life-saving medication; use per medical direction. If someone is overdosing, call 911 immediately.